Answers to questions I commonly get asked

Question: “Do you have contacts in…?”

Answer: Yes. I have a lot of contacts. I’ve been in Solomon Islands for many years and worked on at least 50 projects and just know a lot of people the way people usually know people, hobbies, kids, church, extended family etc. I have so many contacts I find it hard to remember them all, and frequently take a few seconds to do so when I meet them. In addition, I’m shortsighted and often are surrounded by contacts without realising it until they come a bit closer and say hello (my close friends know to do this, because I am rather oblivious to my surroundings, and usually don’t see people until they are less than a metre in front of me).

So, I get asked a lot, usually by people from outside Solomon Islands for contacts in whatever research, film or project they are doing. I am sure they think this is a very casual and not too intrusive inquiry. So, I am going to try and explain why I find requests for contacts rather stressful.

In Solomon Islands, relationships are everything and based on reciprocity. Every time someone does a favour for me, I know I owe one for them. This social norm is wonderful, and without it survival in a place known for some pretty difficult living conditions (including disasters, poverty and limited government services) would be impossible. At the same time, reciprocity also has its toll.

I go to the relatives of contacts funerals, I console them when they are stressed, I help their children write their university applications, or I just host them when they are in town, or need a lift to the airport or the hospital or help them order a musical instrument online or whatever it is. Doing these things I estimate take up at least a day a week and probably more, it becomes so much of your life, you lose count.

I know my contacts have expectations of me, and sometimes I let them down, and sometimes they let me down too. When this happens its awful, as we live in a small place and are bound to run into each other and sense a sort of awkwardness that comes with breaking reciprocity. Sometimes the problem is not even my fault or my contact’s fault but the embarrassment is based on what someone close to them has done – their husband, or friend or contact.

So, when I get a message “Do you have contacts in…” I think about all this. I think about how the person asking for my contacts is never going to have the same relationship of reciprocity with them because they live overseas. I think about if my contact is going to resent me if I put them in touch and nothing useful results from their meeting or project. I think about how to protect my contact from her or his words being misrepresented. I think about all the many things that could go wrong and somehow reflect back on me. Sometimes, I think about the fact that if I give someone “contacts” I may be supporting a system that undermines local knowledge and jobs, maybe if contacts were not so easy to get by overseas-based people there would be more jobs for local people – including myself. Let’s face it, the question “do you have contacts in…” means “give me your contacts in…”. And once you give, then it’s over, I don’t know what will happen next.

Look, I am not totally against giving out contacts and often make exceptions to what I am firming up to be a “yes I have contacts, no I am not giving them” rule. For instance, a researcher recently asked me for contacts (and general advice) about a project regarding women in a certain sector so she could get them together to discuss concerns. I’d thought about this previously but never had time to do anything about it, so I already thought it was a great idea when the researcher asked. I could also see tangible benefits for the women as the project would result in some chances to showcase what they do and could advocate themselves to decision-makers. The researcher asked me a bunch of questions about what the women would be comfortable with and how to go about it. I gave all my contacts on the topic and also put in some time to getting the project approved without really worrying about any reward to me for doing so. The benefits to my contacts were clear and it wasn’t just a “take my contacts and run away never to be seen again” type approach.

I always give out contacts and advice if it’s about opportunities – people with a project and a job for a local, or people wanting advice which job applicant to choose or people wanting to circulate a notice to encourage applicants for a scholarship or workshop. I once got an email from a Solomon man in Taiwan, he was writing he said because he got a scholarship after he saw a notice about it on an email I’d randomly cced my contacts on. He was writing to thank me for sending him that email.

I love that message and often think about it because it reminds me to help. Helping can be time-consuming and tiring, but if I spend 3 seconds forwarding an email and it triggers someone getting a scholarship then that’s great. So, I am always happy to put contacts in touch with information about opportunities.

So, I do sometimes give contacts. Just please think about what you are asking when you ask me for contacts.